Eliza in Progress

If you were divide my thoughts into percentages this would be the breakdown. 2% is devoted to debating with myself whether to write that apology email/facebook message to bookclub/friends/neighbors or everyone in relief society on a comment that I nervously mentally vomited out.  1.5% is devoted to scavenging the house and wondering how, where and what I can procure to satisfy my sweet craving. 8% is used for coming up with mind games and motivational tricks and analyzing pros and cons of cleaning my house, "okay set the timer, see how fast you can do it", "call your sister and distract yourself" or my favorite "wait for Josh to call on his way home and do a mad dash to clean and sweep and load and scrub and then greet him with a kiss and a pretense that it looked like that all day", then about 14% is spent thinking about people and personalities and relationships.  " What if that shy person is like super wild and crazy with her family or friends, wha...

So I just turned 30 and it's gotten me thinking of what I've done, how I've changed, and what I've learned.  So I decided to compile it in a nice tidy list of 30 things I've learned in my 30 years. (this is not numbered in order of importance, because then number 30 would have to be mindblowing. I can't handle that kind of pressure) 1.  Those due dates they print off for you at the library are not just a gentle guideline, they're forizzle.  It's easy to be all zen and carefree about it, but those little penny amounts add up in that time space continuum and those scary pale faced librarians won't let you rent anything if it hits $20, and your kids really want that movie you just spent 4 hours scanning the shelves for and so you have to run to the atm and then later explain to your husband why you just paid a 3 dollar atm fee so you could get 20 dollars out to pay for late books. and it can really affect your marriage...  Word to the wise. 2.  Bu...

Ladies, allow me to share something that I just learned recently.  I had a breakthrough the other day mainly because I had a breakdown. I don't recommend it, but mental breakdowns serve almost as a reboot sometimes.  And apparently I got a crappy model cause I need a reboot about every few weeks.  My family loves it.  Anyway,  I'm pregnant, exhausted, insecure, angry at everyone and everything, not sleeping well, fragile and depressed.  Either as a cruel fun joke or social experiment or maybe just a reaction to my loveliness, my kids have been incredibly, oh what's the word....  um terrible.  Bedtime has been horrific and a never-ending parade of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, including the kids.   And I won't go into our 3 year old's daytime reign of terror and the other lovely interactions that pass our time and wear out our voices,  but needless to say by the time I had to plan and carry out my son's 8th birthday party and af...

"Wow, you literally have not stopped talking, you are soooo loud and chatty".  Have you ever heard that said in polite company?  Probably not, and if you did, it would be appalling and everyone older than 5 would know that's just rude.  But I guarantee you have heard almost an identical phrase but instead of loud and chatty it would go something like this: Wow, you haven't said 2 words tonight, you sure are being extra quiet tonight".  or "Well of course Sara wouldn't say that she's too shy and quiet".  Or my favorite most helpful observation:  "You're being quiet, why don't you talk or tell us a story?"  Can you tell that maybe these phrases have been said to me before?  And clearly, I feel great about it and therefore I have nothing more to say.  Oh okay, if you really twist my arm, I'll tell you in approximately 6-8 really longwinded paragraphs why this bothers me just a little bit. If you read some of those phrases an...

No, this will not be a "what I wore" post, and if it were you would be privileged with 4 different angles of Men's nike sweats in a deep tone of navy blue purchased at Ross, a white cable knit sweater from Target to class it up a little and a eggplant colored coat because as my aunt would say who apparently didn't have the same Victorian upbringing we did and can say such forbidden words, I am a "freezy butt".  For 29.99 you too can look this good. No I'm talking about people's personalities, their style of talking and expressing themselves, what they say, how they say it, etc... Now before I get into this you have to know something about me, and when I tell you you have to promise to read this whole post and not come away with the conclusion that I hate people and most likely you and that I think I am the bomb. Don't get paranoid or annoyed and please just bear with me. Okay with that disclaimer, are you excited or nervous now?  ; )    So I re...

This thought occurs to me, oh about 3 times a day, at least.  Mostly they are not pleasant realizations, like when Belle fell off of the counter and split her chin and was pouring blood and I literally ran around, flapping and fluttering, and I was looking for my phone and then manically dialing whoever came to mind and then when someone finally picked up and told me to take her to instacare I flapped and fluttered around til I got everyone in the car and then while we were driving she was falling asleep and I was yelling through tears "Belle, STay with me!  HOld on!  Stay with me!"  and then Josh met me there and strolled in and was calm as a summer's morn and went back there with her while they stitched her up and I was crying and holding my other child tight like I would never take his life for granted again even if we lost the other child, and then I was like "oh yeah I"m a grown up. I maybe should have handled that better." Or when I hide in a dark c...

So recently I've been through something that in hindsight was not a big deal, but in the moment really affected me and my family.  I had a miscarriage last November and ever since then I have not felt like myself. I was tired all the time , gained weight, and just felt so out of whack, anxious, emotional, irritable, exhausted, achey, etc...  I finally found out  (a year later!) I have hormone issues, thyroid, progesterone, etc...  Then in September I got mono and I went down hard.  For about 2 months I was pretty much in bed (can I get a holla for netflix!).  I would get up to send them to school, and then back up at 12:00 to make a sandwich for the kids.   Other than that I could not and did not move or do anything to expend energy.  I couldn't shop, cook, clean, or do much of anything.  Going up the stairs or putting make up on or even standing up to shower was too much to handle.  It was kind of awful.  But it was also very tempo...