Getting Rid of the Pinterest Standard

Ladies, allow me to share something that I just learned recently.  I had a breakthrough the other day mainly because I had a breakdown. I don't recommend it, but mental breakdowns serve almost as a reboot sometimes.  And apparently I got a crappy model cause I need a reboot about every few weeks.  My family loves it.  Anyway,  I'm pregnant, exhausted, insecure, angry at everyone and everything, not sleeping well, fragile and depressed.  Either as a cruel fun joke or social experiment or maybe just a reaction to my loveliness, my kids have been incredibly, oh what's the word....  um terrible.  Bedtime has been horrific and a never-ending parade of weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, including the kids.   And I won't go into our 3 year old's daytime reign of terror and the other lovely interactions that pass our time and wear out our voices,  but needless to say by the time I had to plan and carry out my son's 8th birthday party and after hours of hyperventilating while browsing pinterest's idea of a lego birthday party,  I was ready to throw in the towel, but like in a really dramatic angry way, like Kevin Bacon's passionately livid and yet strangely beautiful footloose dance in that abandoned warehouse, ya know, that kind of mad.  

You're welcome for making you think of a big pregnant lady doing this incredible dance.



Anyway, so I was mad, dance by myself and do awesome stunts mad, and you better believe I was directing it at some people too.  No, not that close minded preacher that forbade dancing, no, I directed my artistic anger towards pinterest, and all those "other moms" who posted their fancy pictures of their fancy party with their fancy freaking camera.  How dare they make me feel this way.  How dare they add to my stress and anxiety and set a bar that I have neither time, talent or money for.  How dare they!  Giant leap.  how dare they? Back handspring.  How dare they?  smashing beer bottle.   You get the picture.

This anger continued as I started writing my list of things to do and  when I realized that even the "simple" invite that I chose would still take a circle cutter that I didn't have, ( who knew there was such a thing? )  colored paper that I didn't have, ink that I didn't have, and time and energy that I didn't have, the anger and stress and beautiful angry dance boiled over.

So I did what I always do in times of stress.  I went into denial and drowned my worry by watching netflix and eating my secret emergency stash of reese's peanut butter cups.  I  went to bed with a heavy heart knowing but not really facing that I had to either make them in the morning out of thin air and non existent supplies or send them out way too late.  Luckily my son wasn't in denial and is a scheduled routine kind of guy and wanted to know where those invitations were.  When he looked at my blank lifeless eyes he knew he better take things into his own hands, so he suggested he make them.  I started protesting because surely that's breaking some kind of law somewhere, but then I thought, "hey why not."  And he did.  I folded them, wrote out the info on a sample paper and he went at it with just a pencil and his own 8 year old handwriting.  It was darling, and authentic and had all the information you needed.  And, the best part was it took absolutely no effort on my part.  Well, I guess at one point I had to dig through some boxes for a spare envelope and finally had to settle for an old silver lined wedding invite one, but hey, nothing but the fanciest for the kid.

Anyway, that set the stage for my breakthrough.  Ideas dawned on me like "what if I just put random candy in the goodie bags instead of ordering lego candy online? What if I actually just get plain goodie bags and there's not a hint of lego on there? What if didn't buy custom pinatas and cake and food labels and centerpieces because I'm pretty sure the 8 year old boys don't give a crap if it goes with the theme or not. What if I just make a cake out of a box and don't do fondant or anything fancy? What if I just had a few games planned but then just let them play?  Gasp!  Scary right?  Just writing this out feels like I'm asking to be struck by lightening, it just feels wrong and like I'm tempting fate to curse me.  But luckily just like my friend Kevin Bacon, I have a rebellious side and I dared to walk on the wild side while pumping my fist saying "curse you pinterest, I'm doing it my way!"

But of course pinterest didn't respond because dang it, it isn't a person.  And honestly those blogs I looked at were just cute mom's that were good at throwing parties.   And I realized that I had made up these pretend rivalries and for some reason made it  "me" against "them",  when really it was only me against me the whole time.

For some reason we've created these "mommy wars" when I think in reality its just our own insecurities showing up and making us feel inadequate.  The people that post those ideas on pinterest aren't imposing that on anyone. We are doing that to ourselves.  We're imposing their standard as the ultimate one and that's just silly and wrong.   They don't care what you or I do.  They're just saying "hey look what I did! Isn't it cute?"  and we should say "yes! it is so cute, good for you. Thanks for the good ideas, now I'm going to figure out my own way."    

So please, let's stop equating our worth as a woman or mother on whether we can throw a great party.  Please don't comment on someone's amazing  multi colored macaroon, food labeled party for their 1 year old and say: "you're the best mom!".  Compliment them, sure, because it is beautiful and does take talent, but please lets not boil down being a good mom to any one thing, especially macaroons (which are actually gross btw).   Other Eliza's of the world, see those talented people and instagrams and be amazed and then brush it off. DO NOT set other people's strengths and talents as the standard to be measured against.   Look at what you have to offer and don't impose pressure on yourself to be someone that you're not.  Be aware and grateful for you strengths and be aware and grateful for other people's strengths and leave it at that.  Let's break out of this one type of measurement of success or talent.

 Let's be creative.  If you're good at writing heartfelt thanks, do that over an email and a gift card and skip the ribbons, creative puns, treats and scrapbook paper for the teacher gift.  If you're a great conversationalist and host but not a gourmet cook or craft maker, please still host that shower and don't turn it down because you don't know how to make pom-poms and triangle banners. If you love reading with your kids but hate playing polly pockets with them, please feel great about that.   If you're a fun interesting person that loves to read, please start a book club and don't put it off because you're house isn't out of a magazine.

It would truly be tragic if we kept our unique gifts hidden from others because it didn't jibe with what we see on Pinterest.   So let's put ourselves out there, crafty and non crafty, exercise nuts, foodies, homeschool mom's, free range mom's, fashion bloggers, walmart shoppers and every woman everywhere. And let's show the world, each other, and ourselves how uniquely amazing we are in our own way and style. And then if you feel like it, maybe do a fist pump and angry dance too, that always helps.