Eliza in Progress

My husband was assigned to give a talk to our congregation on Mother's day and I've thought a lot about the approach he could take as it's such a loaded topic and ripe with ways to offend and hurt.  I didn't use to understand this tension and guilt surrounding Mother's day when I was younger and even in early motherhood because I happened to enjoy it and felt like I was pretty good at it (future self: "Bwahaha!")  Then middle childhood happened. and those feelings of confidence went down as fast my kids grew up.  I now understand the complex emotions that happen as you hear about perfect women who never yelled, or of a mom that made warm chocolate chip cookies for the neighborhood every Friday or of a mom that actually did the elf on the shelf every flippin night.  When you're sitting there listening to the shiny and polished versions of motherhood and replaying your morning where you may have yelled "Get in the car! Are you kidding me?  You c

I've been very open here and elsewhere about my journey  (that word is forever ruined by the "Bachelor" contestants and every other reality tv star, but I literally googled synonyms and couldn't find a good one, so the bachelorettes and I are just goin' with it)  journey through depression.  I really have struggled with varying degrees of depression since as long as I can remember.  I've read dozens of books, researched for hours online, tried every natural and modern medicine approach and have spent many hours with therapists.  But it wasn't until one day in a therapy session with my amazing therapist (btw, it's taken a lot of time to find the right fit, so don't give up on therapy, just find a good one)  that really changed my life.  She was able to see through all my efforts for what it was; shame.  I have always been so keenly embarrassed and self-conscious about my depression.  I felt so so stupid and wimpy and just wrong that I stru

Who wants to be a Serious Susan?  I have fought my whole life against that because ironically even though my whole focus and a huge part of my identity was being "funny", I still came across as a serious Susan. I hated that.  I tried everything to rid myself of that label. I wanted to be loud, fun, bigger than life and of course hilariously funny.  Roughly .7% of the population has seen me as that party in a bottle personality, but man those 3 people could tell you some stories ;). What I pictured myself as...    But for the rest of the 99.3% I just kept trying to prove that I wasn't the old British butler I appeared to be.   What I come across as.... Blogging and social media came along which was a perfect forum for my introverted little heart so that is where I let it all out.  Finally I was getting recognized as funny, a label I had dreamed of my whole life.  Nevermind the backhanded compliment that almost everyone, especially those that had known me m

In the Bible there is a story of two disciples who were discouraged and grieved.  Their leader and exemplar and friend Jesus Christ had died and they thought he was gone forever.  They were walking to a town called Emmaus when a stranger came up to them and they conversed and walked together.  The stranger asked what troubled them and they told them all about the horrific death of their beloved Jesus.  The stranger quoted scripture and told them to not worry, that Jesus Christ would rise again.  That stranger was Jesus Christ, but as it says in Luke 24:16 "But their eyes were holden that they should not know him".  Painting by Liz Lemon Swindle Here these two downtrodden, and sorrowful men were mourning the loss of Jesus and that whole time they were walking and talking with the Savior himself, but their eyes were "holden" so they didn't recognize Him.   I have had my own sort of road to Emmaus, one that lasted for 3 years, where I felt alone, scared, bl