30 for 30
So I just turned 30 and it's gotten me thinking of what I've done, how I've changed, and what I've learned. So I decided to compile it in a nice tidy list of 30 things I've learned in my 30 years.
(this is not numbered in order of importance, because then number 30 would have to be mindblowing. I can't handle that kind of pressure)
1. Those due dates they print off for you at the library are not just a gentle guideline, they're forizzle. It's easy to be all zen and carefree about it, but those little penny amounts add up in that time space continuum and those scary pale faced librarians won't let you rent anything if it hits $20, and your kids really want that movie you just spent 4 hours scanning the shelves for and so you have to run to the atm and then later explain to your husband why you just paid a 3 dollar atm fee so you could get 20 dollars out to pay for late books. and it can really affect your marriage... Word to the wise.
2. But if you find yourself racking up another $20 fee, you can get your kids their own card! And then you can shamelessly make your kid feel super important because you get to use their "big kid" card to rent all your books and movies. Good parenting and frugality, win win.
2. The more kids you have and the older they get, the less you know. Seriously. You will never ever figure it out. Although, it seems to go in an upside down bell curve. You know a ton before you have them, especially when watching nieces and nephews and their idiot parents (if they would just explain in a calm and firm tone that biting and hitting their sister is not acceptable, surely he would stop), and then it declines rapidly with each child. But then it must go back up, slowly (or quickly, depending on your "know it all" inclination ) when you're an empty nester because then you do have it all figured out and your kids never ever did anything remotely naughty or human, in fact I'm sure they slept all night, never wiggled, never talked back and read Dostoevsky while they potty trained themselves at age 2.
3. EVERYONE is insecure. To differing levels, but at the end of the day everyone has something they feel vulnerable about.
4. You really do teach people how to treat you.
5. Connection is everything. And it does take 2 people who are both giving input and output. If you're a great listener and really kind that's great, but you have to give some of yourself, otherwise there really isn't a true connection (And obviously the same goes for the reverse). When I think through my life, I see the connections I've made as the milestones, they can change and shape and do so much. They are what life is all about.
6. People that are thoughtful and follow through and really act on being kind, are my heroes. I really want to be that when I grow up.
7. This is not an original idea, (really none of these are) but this little snippet I learned from a friend has changed my whole outlook on parenting. The ideal style for parenting is authoritative, which means you give a high level support and warmth perfectly balanced with high expectations. boom. you're welcome.
8. I really believe one of the main purposes for marriage is to correct each other. I know, my lucky lucky husband. Obviously, with love and warmth and support and realistic expectations, but still some correction and conflict and growing pains. I would far rather be in a marriage with conflict and progression than peace and stagnancy.
9. If someone feels loved and appreciated they can put up with a lot.
10. Acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge, is kind of my theme in life. I have realized that if something as simple as inadvertently butting in line is acknowledged or as big as totally blowing it in a relationship, acknowledgement is the key to making it all better. It just doesn't become a "thing" if if its acknowledged. If it's not however, it becomes a King Kong sized thing.
11. Communication is a really big deal. Most things can be solved with good communication.
12. Kids really do grow up sooooooo quickly.
13. Age doesn't = maturity/wisdom. Which is a huge bummer.
14. If you're weird, its fine, you just have to own it. People accept almost anything if you're confident about it and totally committed to whatever it is you are.
15. People who are just straightforward and simple really are so much more fun and have so much more figured out than tortured souls. Guess which one I am? : (
16. Shutting your mouth would help so very very much. Then no repeat replays will be going on in your head and excessive apology texting/emailing wouldn't even be necessary. sigh....
17. One of my favorite books is Pollyanna and it impacted me so much as a child. My favorite part is when she tells the stern preacher that if he looks for the bad in people, he will always find it. This is so true for me in motherhood. When I wake up and am in a bad mood and look at the kids as obstacles or annoyances, I will surely find a million validating experiences to back that up. If I actively try to look for the good, facilitate and nurture and take me out of the equation, its nothing but butterflies and rainbows (most of the time).
18. Empathetic People are the best kind of people.
19. When someone snorts while laughing, the group will always, and I mean ALWAYS want to know who did it. Must be some evolutionary searching for the weakest/weirdest link.
20. Cellophane is kind of amazing. It makes anything look crafty and cute and put together. There is no reason you need to put it off buying it til your 30. It's at a craft store which can be scary territory for the fine motor skill and talent deficient, but once you buy it, you'll be so proud of yourself and your gifts will look cuter, win win!
21. Nervousness can cause oversharing, which can cause palpable discomfort in the listener and years of replay and subsequent cringing in the talker. Refer to number 16.
22. Don't ever ever ever read the comments section of online news. Perplexity, anger, and hopelessness will occur.
23. No one likes when someone "Knows it all".
24. Listen to advice, but don't arbitrarily make it gospel truth, especially with marriage and parenting. What works for someone may be the completely wrong thing for you. Figure it out for yourself.
25. Parents really do have what I'll call "an appreciation for their easier kids".
26. If frugality costs you experience, memories, relationships, enjoyment, the cost is too high.
27. The cliched quest of just "being yourself" is not always the best thing. I still haven't figure out the balance of progressing and improving while accepting the whole package, but I do know just being yourself isn't the whole answer.
28. I'm slowly slowly learning sarcasm can be really hurtful. Being sweet and boring is way better than making someone feel bad.
29. I guess theres these things called contractions and apostrophes and punctuation. I think theyre overrated.
30. Someone told me that when someone offends you, you have a choice. You can brush it off and be the victim. Or you can really listen, process it, think it through and choose to learn from it. The rare times I've done the latter it has been such a painful process but one that has thoroughly changed me for the good.
(this is not numbered in order of importance, because then number 30 would have to be mindblowing. I can't handle that kind of pressure)
1. Those due dates they print off for you at the library are not just a gentle guideline, they're forizzle. It's easy to be all zen and carefree about it, but those little penny amounts add up in that time space continuum and those scary pale faced librarians won't let you rent anything if it hits $20, and your kids really want that movie you just spent 4 hours scanning the shelves for and so you have to run to the atm and then later explain to your husband why you just paid a 3 dollar atm fee so you could get 20 dollars out to pay for late books. and it can really affect your marriage... Word to the wise.
2. But if you find yourself racking up another $20 fee, you can get your kids their own card! And then you can shamelessly make your kid feel super important because you get to use their "big kid" card to rent all your books and movies. Good parenting and frugality, win win.
2. The more kids you have and the older they get, the less you know. Seriously. You will never ever figure it out. Although, it seems to go in an upside down bell curve. You know a ton before you have them, especially when watching nieces and nephews and their idiot parents (if they would just explain in a calm and firm tone that biting and hitting their sister is not acceptable, surely he would stop), and then it declines rapidly with each child. But then it must go back up, slowly (or quickly, depending on your "know it all" inclination ) when you're an empty nester because then you do have it all figured out and your kids never ever did anything remotely naughty or human, in fact I'm sure they slept all night, never wiggled, never talked back and read Dostoevsky while they potty trained themselves at age 2.
3. EVERYONE is insecure. To differing levels, but at the end of the day everyone has something they feel vulnerable about.
4. You really do teach people how to treat you.
5. Connection is everything. And it does take 2 people who are both giving input and output. If you're a great listener and really kind that's great, but you have to give some of yourself, otherwise there really isn't a true connection (And obviously the same goes for the reverse). When I think through my life, I see the connections I've made as the milestones, they can change and shape and do so much. They are what life is all about.
6. People that are thoughtful and follow through and really act on being kind, are my heroes. I really want to be that when I grow up.
7. This is not an original idea, (really none of these are) but this little snippet I learned from a friend has changed my whole outlook on parenting. The ideal style for parenting is authoritative, which means you give a high level support and warmth perfectly balanced with high expectations. boom. you're welcome.
8. I really believe one of the main purposes for marriage is to correct each other. I know, my lucky lucky husband. Obviously, with love and warmth and support and realistic expectations, but still some correction and conflict and growing pains. I would far rather be in a marriage with conflict and progression than peace and stagnancy.
9. If someone feels loved and appreciated they can put up with a lot.
10. Acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge, is kind of my theme in life. I have realized that if something as simple as inadvertently butting in line is acknowledged or as big as totally blowing it in a relationship, acknowledgement is the key to making it all better. It just doesn't become a "thing" if if its acknowledged. If it's not however, it becomes a King Kong sized thing.
11. Communication is a really big deal. Most things can be solved with good communication.
12. Kids really do grow up sooooooo quickly.
13. Age doesn't = maturity/wisdom. Which is a huge bummer.
14. If you're weird, its fine, you just have to own it. People accept almost anything if you're confident about it and totally committed to whatever it is you are.
15. People who are just straightforward and simple really are so much more fun and have so much more figured out than tortured souls. Guess which one I am? : (
16. Shutting your mouth would help so very very much. Then no repeat replays will be going on in your head and excessive apology texting/emailing wouldn't even be necessary. sigh....
17. One of my favorite books is Pollyanna and it impacted me so much as a child. My favorite part is when she tells the stern preacher that if he looks for the bad in people, he will always find it. This is so true for me in motherhood. When I wake up and am in a bad mood and look at the kids as obstacles or annoyances, I will surely find a million validating experiences to back that up. If I actively try to look for the good, facilitate and nurture and take me out of the equation, its nothing but butterflies and rainbows (most of the time).
18. Empathetic People are the best kind of people.
19. When someone snorts while laughing, the group will always, and I mean ALWAYS want to know who did it. Must be some evolutionary searching for the weakest/weirdest link.
20. Cellophane is kind of amazing. It makes anything look crafty and cute and put together. There is no reason you need to put it off buying it til your 30. It's at a craft store which can be scary territory for the fine motor skill and talent deficient, but once you buy it, you'll be so proud of yourself and your gifts will look cuter, win win!
21. Nervousness can cause oversharing, which can cause palpable discomfort in the listener and years of replay and subsequent cringing in the talker. Refer to number 16.
22. Don't ever ever ever read the comments section of online news. Perplexity, anger, and hopelessness will occur.
23. No one likes when someone "Knows it all".
24. Listen to advice, but don't arbitrarily make it gospel truth, especially with marriage and parenting. What works for someone may be the completely wrong thing for you. Figure it out for yourself.
25. Parents really do have what I'll call "an appreciation for their easier kids".
26. If frugality costs you experience, memories, relationships, enjoyment, the cost is too high.
27. The cliched quest of just "being yourself" is not always the best thing. I still haven't figure out the balance of progressing and improving while accepting the whole package, but I do know just being yourself isn't the whole answer.
28. I'm slowly slowly learning sarcasm can be really hurtful. Being sweet and boring is way better than making someone feel bad.
29. I guess theres these things called contractions and apostrophes and punctuation. I think theyre overrated.
30. Someone told me that when someone offends you, you have a choice. You can brush it off and be the victim. Or you can really listen, process it, think it through and choose to learn from it. The rare times I've done the latter it has been such a painful process but one that has thoroughly changed me for the good.
I just posted a brilliantly beautiful comment that disappeared. The gist of it was you are wonderful and lovely and I love reading what you write and your empathy and friendship helped me through the biggest trials I have faced this far and I hope you realize that you embody so many of those qualities that you appreciate in others. Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteWow- so much wisdom in that post. I love all the advice. And I still have several 'cellophanes' of my own. Maybe I should just go down and pick up all those random things, huh? Thanks for sharing this, it was a fun read.
ReplyDeleteyep, we would be great friends if we lived closer. true story
ReplyDelete