Its all about Style
No, this will not be a "what I wore" post, and if it were you would be privileged with 4 different angles of Men's nike sweats in a deep tone of navy blue purchased at Ross, a white cable knit sweater from Target to class it up a little and a eggplant colored coat because as my aunt would say who apparently didn't have the same Victorian upbringing we did and can say such forbidden words, I am a "freezy butt". For 29.99 you too can look this good.
No I'm talking about people's personalities, their style of talking and expressing themselves, what they say, how they say it, etc... Now before I get into this you have to know something about me, and when I tell you you have to promise to read this whole post and not come away with the conclusion that I hate people and most likely you and that I think I am the bomb. Don't get paranoid or annoyed and please just bear with me. Okay with that disclaimer, are you excited or nervous now? ; ) So I really don't hate people, but I am a terrible person. Truly, I am. Yes, I'm nice and polite and sincerely interested and I love the idea of people and that we're all beautiful and wonderful and special and I even like getting to know people, but then something happens. I get to know someone and the rainbows fade, the music becomes discordant and sometimes they just bug me. I am what you could call easily annoyable, if it were a word that is.
I have the curse and sometimes blessing of being very perceptive and very very aware of how I'm feeling and how other people make me feel. Because of this I always know what is going on around me and how its affecting me, I am literally a sponge. I am not one of those people who is the same person to the cashier at target, as they are to their best friend, to their bishop, etc.. I see those people and I want to cry. I would so love to be free of what everyone around me is thinking and feeling and basing my way of interacting off of that. I walk into a room and I'm immediately aware of the energy and moods and personalities and I soak it all in and react to whatever is going on, and sometimes honestly those perceived moods are figments of my imagination. So if I walk in and I can tell there is an intense person there who likes to take charge I soak in that intensity and it makes me curl up and die. Okay, not die, but I feed off of that intensity and it sucks me completely dry. Bottom line I soak up other's energies for lack of a better word, and it affects how I feel and how I interact and then I resent that person because they changed me and "made" me feel a certain way and I don't like it.
So now we've established what a truly horrible person I am, lets move on to what I've learned and what helps me, just in case any of you are the same way. One of my friends was relating to this and was telling me how she was talking to her husband about one of their mutual friends and how something that friend had said was just bugging her, and almost offensive. Her wise husband said "You know her, you have all the same values and basic fundamental beliefs and tastes, deep down you guys have all the same stuff, ... You're just reacting to her style, which is different than yours." And man, did a lightbulb go off. That is so true! So often I really am interested in a person and am so excited to get to know them and then I let something as little as their social timing (i.e. slow responders, stare too long, etc) convince me that we could never be close friends. It's a lesson I think I will have to learn my whole life but it has definitely changed the way I view people. If I just look at it like that person's intensity is just their style, and maybe its not super appealing to me, but that it doesn't mean that I don't like them as a person, and that underneath that style, there is a really cool person and there is a lot to learn and get to know about them. This is huge perspective shift for me.
Also, the other lesson I've learned and this may only apply to me, is that I have kind learning curve with people, and that I need to remember this when I think someone is personally being intense and annoying to me. I need to remember I usually have a pattern, and at the end of that pattern I get out of my own way and see how great someone is. I fall hard and fast and feel a connection and just know this person will be my kindred spirit and I lay awake dreaming of the awesome and deep conversations we'll have and how we'll just laugh over that awesome inside joke that only we know, and as I dream I weave a web full of crazy unrealistic expectations and then we hang out and through getting to know them better I learn that they don't really like Pride and Prejudice and they do the elf on the shelf, ; ) and aren't really sarcastic and I look to the sky, collapse to my knees and yell "NOOOOOOOO!" and I give up all hope of ever being friends again. But then I wake up, bring those expectations back down to reality, and with time I almost always see through their style to their core, and more often than not, that core is pretty fantastic.
What about you? Do you relate? Are you super affected by people's personalities, or easily annoyable? Or do you just live and let live, and if so what's your secret?
No I'm talking about people's personalities, their style of talking and expressing themselves, what they say, how they say it, etc... Now before I get into this you have to know something about me, and when I tell you you have to promise to read this whole post and not come away with the conclusion that I hate people and most likely you and that I think I am the bomb. Don't get paranoid or annoyed and please just bear with me. Okay with that disclaimer, are you excited or nervous now? ; ) So I really don't hate people, but I am a terrible person. Truly, I am. Yes, I'm nice and polite and sincerely interested and I love the idea of people and that we're all beautiful and wonderful and special and I even like getting to know people, but then something happens. I get to know someone and the rainbows fade, the music becomes discordant and sometimes they just bug me. I am what you could call easily annoyable, if it were a word that is.
I have the curse and sometimes blessing of being very perceptive and very very aware of how I'm feeling and how other people make me feel. Because of this I always know what is going on around me and how its affecting me, I am literally a sponge. I am not one of those people who is the same person to the cashier at target, as they are to their best friend, to their bishop, etc.. I see those people and I want to cry. I would so love to be free of what everyone around me is thinking and feeling and basing my way of interacting off of that. I walk into a room and I'm immediately aware of the energy and moods and personalities and I soak it all in and react to whatever is going on, and sometimes honestly those perceived moods are figments of my imagination. So if I walk in and I can tell there is an intense person there who likes to take charge I soak in that intensity and it makes me curl up and die. Okay, not die, but I feed off of that intensity and it sucks me completely dry. Bottom line I soak up other's energies for lack of a better word, and it affects how I feel and how I interact and then I resent that person because they changed me and "made" me feel a certain way and I don't like it.
So now we've established what a truly horrible person I am, lets move on to what I've learned and what helps me, just in case any of you are the same way. One of my friends was relating to this and was telling me how she was talking to her husband about one of their mutual friends and how something that friend had said was just bugging her, and almost offensive. Her wise husband said "You know her, you have all the same values and basic fundamental beliefs and tastes, deep down you guys have all the same stuff, ... You're just reacting to her style, which is different than yours." And man, did a lightbulb go off. That is so true! So often I really am interested in a person and am so excited to get to know them and then I let something as little as their social timing (i.e. slow responders, stare too long, etc) convince me that we could never be close friends. It's a lesson I think I will have to learn my whole life but it has definitely changed the way I view people. If I just look at it like that person's intensity is just their style, and maybe its not super appealing to me, but that it doesn't mean that I don't like them as a person, and that underneath that style, there is a really cool person and there is a lot to learn and get to know about them. This is huge perspective shift for me.
Also, the other lesson I've learned and this may only apply to me, is that I have kind learning curve with people, and that I need to remember this when I think someone is personally being intense and annoying to me. I need to remember I usually have a pattern, and at the end of that pattern I get out of my own way and see how great someone is. I fall hard and fast and feel a connection and just know this person will be my kindred spirit and I lay awake dreaming of the awesome and deep conversations we'll have and how we'll just laugh over that awesome inside joke that only we know, and as I dream I weave a web full of crazy unrealistic expectations and then we hang out and through getting to know them better I learn that they don't really like Pride and Prejudice and they do the elf on the shelf, ; ) and aren't really sarcastic and I look to the sky, collapse to my knees and yell "NOOOOOOOO!" and I give up all hope of ever being friends again. But then I wake up, bring those expectations back down to reality, and with time I almost always see through their style to their core, and more often than not, that core is pretty fantastic.
What about you? Do you relate? Are you super affected by people's personalities, or easily annoyable? Or do you just live and let live, and if so what's your secret?
I can't read the rest because I'm laughing so hard at the line about your aunt not having the same Victorian upbringing. (Man, with a few commas, that would be nearly paralyzingly funny)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Eliza. You are truly hilarious. Sometimes I feel dumb reading your posts because I don't think I've ever done that much thinking about anything before. Your friend's husband is very wise and that's an excellent way to see things. I think I like most people and take them as they are, but there are a few that easily annoy me, to the point that I can say rude things about them (then I just feel bad so of course it isn't worth it). I have found that with those few people, I deal with them best by serving them and keeping my distance. I can be kind to them, but it's okay not to be BFFs with everybody. Keep posting because this is great stuff!
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